Facebook helped me find my family!

I was born to a 16-year-old, but I was raised by a revolutionary. My young mother got on drugs sometime after I was born. July of 1986, must have been an interesting year for her. She had just given birth to me, and was about to celebrate her son's first birthday. Despite the drug addiction, our young mother still tried to hold onto us. They didn't call the 80's the "crack era" for no reason. Drugs took precedent over everything. Everyone in the house was on drugs. Before I reached the age of three, I had been hospitalized a few times, because of dehydration. Due to a tip to CPS, we were all taken from the house. I was put into the system at 18 months. Both parents had signed over their parental rights. I went to an emergency foster care until I was placed with an elderly couple that ran a more stable foster home. My earliest memory was of this couple. They were elderly and strict, but they loved me with every inch of themselves. This was my first warm memory. I recall a woman coming to visit me. She played with me, read me stories, and made me feel safe. She was lovely. The next thing I remembered was skipping up a hill with her. I was so excited. This was first time I had got to leave with this nice lady. I was ecstatic! I recall her explaining to me that she was my mother, and that I had a big sister. She also explained that I would be living with them, from then on out. That was the start of my life. No, it was the start of my stable life. Sometime after that, my mom took me to meet my new family. There were so many people in one house, waiting to meet me. Just shy of four, I was of the rambunctious sort. At the foster home, I was surrounded by other kids from various backgrounds. With that being said, I might have picked up some of their habits. When I met my family that day, I acted out a little. Ok, maybe I fought and cursed like a sailor. The environment that I had come from was wild, but despite what I had been through the first three years of my life, I finally had a family. Over the years changes took place. My mom gave birth to a baby girl when I was six, we struggled while mom finished up her bachelor's degree, and I put her through hell my teen age years. Despite everything, she never gave me back. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes in my youthful thinking, I would think that my horrible behavior would cause my mother to give me back. I would actually act up, and push my mom to the limits. All of this was because I struggled with internal issues. My mom was awesome though. She had been a part of a group that branched out from the black panthers. She taught me how to love myself and others around me. My mother exposed me and my siblings to so much. From math and science summer programs, to pow wow's in the mountains of California. I remember when we hosted our first Kwanzaa celebration. Living with my mother and two sisters in our quiet neighborhood, shaped who I am today. She worked like crazy to make sure we had what we needed. I used to wonder why she never got married. She told us that she didn't want to bring a man around, for fear that he would hurt one of us and her not know it. My mom never hid anything from me. I always knew I was adopted. I knew that my young mother had been on drugs, and that I had an older sibling. At some point I found out that we were both put into the system. My brother didn't stay there long. We had different fathers, and when we were taken away, his father's mother came and got him. She tried to get me, but couldn't because her and I weren't blood related. This was the extent of my mother's knowledge about my biological mother. I had so many questions, and nowhere to turn for answers. At 16, I read through all the information my mom had on my adoption. Reading my birth parents name, made everything so real. I immediately started looking through a phone book. The phone book had similar names, but none of them led to anything. I let it rest for a few years. Within that time I finished high school, started college, and ended up transferring to a school in North Carolina. The year I had my daughter and graduated from college, my family had their first family reunion. It was beautiful. I never knew how big my family was. As I sat around with my infant, participating in festivities, I felt something. I felt a small sadness inside of me. Out of all of these people in this room, my daughter was my only blood relative. It was deep. I tried not to care, but every reunion after that was the same. Finally during the reunion this year, I decided to do a Facebook search for my biological mother. I had done Internet searches in the past, but I had not had any luck. I typed her name in, and to my surprise a picture popped up. A woman with the same name, age-range, and living in the Sacramento area caught my attention. I immediately messaged her. As I continued to snoop through her page, I saw a boy I went to school with in one of her pictures. I messaged him as well. Finally, I saw a woman that appeared to be her sister. I sent out one last message to this woman. Then, I waited. The waiting game was nerve racking. I kept thinking, "maybe they won't respond", or "maybe they will not like me". As so many thoughts ran through my head, almost an entire day went by. I must of checked by phone a million times. Finally, when I was not paying attention to it, I received a message. It was from the boy I went to summer school with. Within three short messages he told me that the woman in the picture with him was his mother. I quickly told him who I was, and to please call me. He did. The next few moments were chaos. People were screaming in the background of his phone, "we've been looking for you!" The phone was passed around, and people were called on three-way. Apparently after my brother and I were taken away, other family members tried to get me out of the system. At the time, none of them had a stable enough home for me to go to. When my mother adopted me, the adoption records were sealed, and my name was changed. My brother never stopped looking for me. Tearfully he explained that he had gone to several different agencies over the years trying to find me. Unfortunately, nobody could do anything because the adoption records were sealed. As we talked on the phone he explained to me the family dynamics. My biological mother had five of us – three girls and two boys. After going into detail about how they all were raised he says, "you were lucky to get adopted, you are the only one who made it." This stunned me. It weighed on me as well. I had to meet my family. About a month later we touched down in California. Stepping off the plane, I started feeling extremely nervous. After speaking to my biological aunt, we decided to meet for a BBQ at her house. Though this meeting was a week away, I couldn't help but feel some type of way. "Would they like me?" or "what if they didn't want any more contact after this visit?" After speaking to my brother, I had kept in contact with all my siblings over the phone. I was hoping since we had been texting and such, our first meeting wouldn't be awkward. It wasn't. I couldn't knock on the door. As I stood in front of my Aunt's house, I was terrified. With my daughter, boyfriend, and little sister by my side, we knocked on the door. It was like a scene from a movie. Everybody was hugging, kissing, and crying. "We never stopped looking for you," they exclaimed. With cameras flashing everywhere, I was pulled in every direction. Being introduced to everyone, I truly felt overwhelmed. My siblings couldn't stop wiping their eyes. My biological mom wanted to be in every picture with me. I was cordial to everyone. I didn't know how else to be. The rest of the evening was awesome. We ate and did fireworks. It was crazy looking up at my aunt's family pictures and thinking, "I am supposed to be on that wall". I had one more week in California, and I was supposed to meet up with them for my birthday for dinner. This time, there was no nervousness. I spent time with my siblings and sister in law. I had a blast. At the end of my visit they asked me, "do you want to meet your father's side?" I simply replied,"one-emotional family encounter per summer".

Crappy RELATIONSHIPS/Good SEX vs. Crappy SEX/Good RELATIONSHIPS

My title is self explanatory....well I hope so.....I guess I can go more in depth....I ponder, can a person have good sex, as well as a good relationship? Or does good sex disguise a person's true character? Can a person have both? I might have several ppl say "Yes, me and my mate have been together for such and such time, and we never argue and the sex is phenomenal!" Then I would wonder, is the sex that good, or are you and your mate so inexperienced that you do not know that you are having bad sex?
So, with that being said, what makes for a good relationship? I have heard several people say communication is the key! Some folks say that honesty is number one.....possibly....I am not knocking any of these possibilities, but I do know that for those who do not wait until marriage to have sex, sex is major. I personally know individuals who have broken off from their mate because of bad sex. A friend from college had her fair share of mates, and met someone that she thought was "the one". This person had it all! A nice car, a good job, and they were physically appealing. To make matters more awesome, they shared many of the same beliefs. Well after dating for some months, they decided to take their relationship to the next level....next thing I know, I am getting a three a.m. phone call from my friend, saying she was taking a cab back to the dorm. When she got back, she told me not only was the sex awful, but after the ordeal, she was so disgusted with her mate that she did not even want to share the same vehicle with them. What was unfornuate was that this individual had all the qualities she wanted, except in the sex department. I would like to think that a persons character can override their sexual inadequacies, but clearly that is not always the case. I had another friend who seemed to have the opposite problem. She got the most awesome sex from her mates, but the possibility and possible desire for a relationship just was not there. So I ask the question again, can a person have a good relationship, and good sex? In the bible it talks about not having sex before marriage. It encourages people (especially women) to keep themselves pure for the person God has for them. In many other religions purity before marriage is encouraged as well....but how easy is it to remain "pure" in this generation? With media encouraging sex or sexually explicit activities, how does one keep themselves in a moral state both mentally and physically? Girls who do not "give it up" nowadays are social outcast, while girls who do put out are popular. Some might think that even negative popularity is better than being ignored. Boys are of course are not held accountable for the sexual actions at all, and are actually fueled by society to be sex hounds. People easily shrug off a boy who got a girl pregnant, versus the girl who got pregnant. So, is sex a huge factor in any relationship? Within the past five years, sex has been in the top five reasons people get divorced in the United States (needs citation).
That brings me to my next question, what is good sex? People seem to know what bad sex is, but how is a person's sex good, or even great? Well....I cannot answer that, to each is own :) But I can say this, sex should not be the absolute determiner of a relationship. People seem to go crazy over good sex....men leave their wives, women will stay in an abusive relationship, people think they are in love-all because they found someone who is great in bed. Hilariously enough, I remember in college, two girls found out they were dating the same boy, and stayed with him. I personally knew the boy, and I know for a fact that his personal attributes were so so. But both girls said that he, and I quote "put it down". That might seem silly to some, but people have dang near gone to war over some "good good".....So how low does a persons self-esteem have to be to stay with an individual that they know they have no future with, but they have great sex with? Please...think about this, I will wait.......I have heard people say terms like "no strings attached" or "friends with benefits", and that might be fine and dandy for one night stands...But I have a hard time believing that a person can have sex with someone on a regular basis, and not have any type of feelings for them. Now, I know some men reading this might say, "no, not all, I can have sex with a female for months and not care if we stopped talking". Ok, lets test that theory, say you saw your "buddy" walking with another dude, tell me that you wouldn't feel some type of way? Don't try to deny it. Every time you have sex with a person, you give a piece of yourself to them. So, looking at it from a relationship aspect, maybe the Bible is onto something. Maybe this no sex thing before marriage has some valid points. Ok, go with me here...perhaps the people who claim they have both awesome sex and a good relationship, took the proper steps to know each other in an out. And maybe their sex is so good, because since they were virgins, they do not have anything to compare it with. So even if they are having bad sex, they would never know, cause they do not have a slew of partners to compare it to! I don't know, me personally-I kind of want to know what I am getting myself into :) But some people are blessed with a more patient spirit. I do know this, every good relationship starts with a positive spiritual center, and that's real!

Miss Mae

Miss Sallie Mae,
I hope this letter comes to you with cheer,
I'd have you know it's been a frightfully rough
two years
I graduated with hopes
and ambitions so sky high
But now Life's expeditions
seemingly might have passed me by
You have to understand my awful situation
I don't ignore you for sport
or for just any occasion
I would like to talk to you
and explain how things are currently
for me
But when I try to communicate-
your children seem to tease
They call me all the time
With threats of dept, and such
They tell to pay a huge lump sum,
or I am out of luck
Please Mam try to be reasonable
for cash grows not on trees
And if that were the case
then I would send you piles
of leaves
So I am certainly not begging on my knees
But do take into consideration
my life has been no breeze
No jobs in my profession
will even hire me
More schooling is required
for the job of my dreams
So since 09' I have been working
below my means
And it seems that Education at this point
indeed deceived
For I believed with dedication
that anything I could be
But now I'm stuck with bills that
even haunt me in my sleep
And Mr. Hughes said a dream deferred
might immaculately com bust
But deferment in your world
means higher interest, and that sucks
I know you do not care to care
or care to even read
But here is my status:
Mother of one
Struggling just to breathe

California Black ppl

Sacramento, CA.....home of the Kings....well, kind of....capital of the golden state....home of the most culturally confused black people I have ever met. So, I was blessed with a revolutionary for a mother, seriously. My mom was a military brat, and when she graduated from high school in Japan, decided to make CA her home. Before she had children, she became a part of the MOVEMENT. If you don't know what the MOVEMENT consists of, that's unfortunate. The MOVEMENT consisted of blacks who went to war in Vietnam, blacks who were in the black panther party, and blacks who were just tired of being treated like being black was a disease. In the early seventies, several more blacks of different sorts fell in the MOVEMENT, but the ones mentioned were some of the most notable. Any how, my mother was part of a non-violent group that stemmed from the MOVEMENT. This group represented Unity, not just amongst African Americans, but Africans and Black people all over. That's where I come in, a child a few generations removed from a movement that inspired blacks to be proud of being Black. In my home, I learned black history, African history, and history as a whole. I learned that Black is not a bad thing, but a glorious thing and something to be recognized!
I quickly learned that not all of my black peers grew up in the same kind of environment I did. Innocently as a child, I barely recognized skin color. I looked at another child my size, and thought of them simply as a playmate. I hilariously enough did not find out I was darker skinned complected, until I got into elementary-and was told by a girl who was darker than myself. My mother, my siblings, and myself were all about the same shade of brown, so I never thought anything of it. It's interesting how people will tell you about yourself, whether you asked for their opinion or not. As I became a teenager, I really started noticing the division of skin color and hair texture amongst black ppl....It was repulsive. Black ppl, black men especially, went out of their way to worship at the feet of those whose features were deemed "less black". Pretty hair was straighter, and less kinky. Bad hair was rougher, with tighter curls. Pretty skin was lighter, while ugly skin was darker.
I started trying to figure out where this hatred for self came from within my ppl. It seriously hurt to see them hating themselves down to the very core. So I came up with a theory. Post slavery, the Reconstruction period began. Blacks were desperately trying to flee the south to get away from whites who were angry they had to set their slaves free, and in hopes of finding work. A large number of blacks went up north, a large amount stayed down south, and a small amount trickled Midwest and to the west coast. The blacks that came to CA were so small in number, that it made a bad situation worse. Meaning, blacks were already trying to build themselves up, after being enslaved for a few hundred years in the U.S., but migrating to CA and not staying unified-furthered their difficult situation. Not to say there were not black townships in CA, but compared to the south, California's black population was limited. So this is what started to happen, blacks started to mix with other cultures, and slowly started moving away from the backbone of blacks in the south. Living in California at any given time period in history, it would be impossible not to mingle with other races. Considering that California used to be a large portion of Mexico, one might encounter those of Spanish, Native American, and other European cultures at any time. The problem with black people, is that they started to lose themselves even further-cultural identity wise.
This was not just happening in CA, of course. Blacks all across the U.S. post slavery were having cultural identity issues. They were too far removed from Africa to feel African, but because of the exploitation against blacks at this time, blacks were feeling low about being black. When I say exploitation, I mean the purposeful marketing by whites to make everything black heinous. Within the next forty years Black become the most hated color in the U.S., and in certain places around the world. Side note: to all of my black readers, do you ever wonder why certain Asian groups have a hateful predisposition towards blacks almost upon meeting them? I am not talking about the Asians who have been here for generations and have encountered blacks on a regular bases, I am talking about the ones who are fresh from their country, and are fortunate enough to be able to open some type of business. They come into the black community, open business's, and treat blacks poorly. And it is not just Asians, certain Arab and East Indian groups have this predisposition about blacks as well. I came to the conclusion, it is because of the exploitation of blacks post slavery. Blacks were marketed in so many terrible different lights. Men were knee- slapping, tap-dancing, white women chasing, horny toads, while women were fat, ugly, Ant Jamima's, who were content taking care of white children. Black children were pickanninies, whose hair was always undone, and were always unwashed and barefoot. These watermelon eating, big lipped, wide nosed, nappy hair images were sent world wide. It was enough to have enslaved blacks for hundred of years, but it seemed that whites now needed to let the world know how upset they were, that they had to free their black slaves.
So where does that leave blacks in CA today? With the most horrendous identity crisis I have ever seen amongst blacks in the U.S. A lot of blacks are mixed, and those who aren't mixed, wish they were. Now this does not, I repeat DOES NOT account for every black person in CA. Some of them are not on that ignorant b.s. But a majority born in the eighties and down, hate themselves on a whole different level. They either strive to be something they are not, or strive to fit into this hood life style that is put forth in black media. It is like they are looking for something. I understand, everyone has to find their spot in the world, but not at the expense of others. Black men seem to make it their mission to make black women feel bad about themselves. They date other races, then list all the reasons they do not date black women. What they do not understand, is that if they have to rationalize or justify their reasons for their actions, then that is a direct reflection of how they view themselves. Black men feel bad about themselves, therefore they strive to not have children that look like them. Black women do not make this situation any better, they have so much chemical(which I seriously think seeps into their brain, making them stupid) and weave in their hair, they are unwittingly playing into black men's ignorance. Black women, need to stop trying to market themselves to black men. They are out there breaking their necks, changing their body to fit into this image of what a black women should look like. Long hair, big breast, big butt, tiny waist, etc.....the video vixen. What they do not understand is that these women we see in video's go through extensive hours of prep and make-up to look the way they do in videos. Little girls see these images, and slowly start to hate their own features, because they do not look like video vixens. All of these things contribute to low self-esteem amongst blacks.
Black people simply need to love themselves. Nothing more or less. They need....excuse me-WE, need to stop physically and mentally trying to be something we are not. We will never be that white girl or boy with long blond flowing hair or big blue eyes, that society tries to market as being the "ideal" beauty. But we can be the awesome person that our Creator made.....which is beauty in itself.