My title is self explanatory....well I hope so.....I guess I can go more in depth....I ponder, can a person have good sex, as well as a good relationship? Or does good sex disguise a person's true character? Can a person have both? I might have several ppl say "Yes, me and my mate have been together for such and such time, and we never argue and the sex is phenomenal!" Then I would wonder, is the sex that good, or are you and your mate so inexperienced that you do not know that you are having bad sex?
So, with that being said, what makes for a good relationship? I have heard several people say communication is the key! Some folks say that honesty is number one.....possibly....I am not knocking any of these possibilities, but I do know that for those who do not wait until marriage to have sex, sex is major. I personally know individuals who have broken off from their mate because of bad sex. A friend from college had her fair share of mates, and met someone that she thought was "the one". This person had it all! A nice car, a good job, and they were physically appealing. To make matters more awesome, they shared many of the same beliefs. Well after dating for some months, they decided to take their relationship to the next level....next thing I know, I am getting a three a.m. phone call from my friend, saying she was taking a cab back to the dorm. When she got back, she told me not only was the sex awful, but after the ordeal, she was so disgusted with her mate that she did not even want to share the same vehicle with them. What was unfornuate was that this individual had all the qualities she wanted, except in the sex department. I would like to think that a persons character can override their sexual inadequacies, but clearly that is not always the case. I had another friend who seemed to have the opposite problem. She got the most awesome sex from her mates, but the possibility and possible desire for a relationship just was not there. So I ask the question again, can a person have a good relationship, and good sex? In the bible it talks about not having sex before marriage. It encourages people (especially women) to keep themselves pure for the person God has for them. In many other religions purity before marriage is encouraged as well....but how easy is it to remain "pure" in this generation? With media encouraging sex or sexually explicit activities, how does one keep themselves in a moral state both mentally and physically? Girls who do not "give it up" nowadays are social outcast, while girls who do put out are popular. Some might think that even negative popularity is better than being ignored. Boys are of course are not held accountable for the sexual actions at all, and are actually fueled by society to be sex hounds. People easily shrug off a boy who got a girl pregnant, versus the girl who got pregnant. So, is sex a huge factor in any relationship? Within the past five years, sex has been in the top five reasons people get divorced in the United States (needs citation).
That brings me to my next question, what is good sex? People seem to know what bad sex is, but how is a person's sex good, or even great? Well....I cannot answer that, to each is own :) But I can say this, sex should not be the absolute determiner of a relationship. People seem to go crazy over good sex....men leave their wives, women will stay in an abusive relationship, people think they are in love-all because they found someone who is great in bed. Hilariously enough, I remember in college, two girls found out they were dating the same boy, and stayed with him. I personally knew the boy, and I know for a fact that his personal attributes were so so. But both girls said that he, and I quote "put it down". That might seem silly to some, but people have dang near gone to war over some "good good".....So how low does a persons self-esteem have to be to stay with an individual that they know they have no future with, but they have great sex with? Please...think about this, I will wait.......I have heard people say terms like "no strings attached" or "friends with benefits", and that might be fine and dandy for one night stands...But I have a hard time believing that a person can have sex with someone on a regular basis, and not have any type of feelings for them. Now, I know some men reading this might say, "no, not all, I can have sex with a female for months and not care if we stopped talking". Ok, lets test that theory, say you saw your "buddy" walking with another dude, tell me that you wouldn't feel some type of way? Don't try to deny it. Every time you have sex with a person, you give a piece of yourself to them. So, looking at it from a relationship aspect, maybe the Bible is onto something. Maybe this no sex thing before marriage has some valid points. Ok, go with me here...perhaps the people who claim they have both awesome sex and a good relationship, took the proper steps to know each other in an out. And maybe their sex is so good, because since they were virgins, they do not have anything to compare it with. So even if they are having bad sex, they would never know, cause they do not have a slew of partners to compare it to! I don't know, me personally-I kind of want to know what I am getting myself into :) But some people are blessed with a more patient spirit. I do know this, every good relationship starts with a positive spiritual center, and that's real!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Miss Mae
Miss Sallie Mae,
I hope this letter comes to you with cheer,
I'd have you know it's been a frightfully rough
two years
I graduated with hopes
and ambitions so sky high
But now Life's expeditions
seemingly might have passed me by
You have to understand my awful situation
I don't ignore you for sport
or for just any occasion
I would like to talk to you
and explain how things are currently
for me
But when I try to communicate-
your children seem to tease
They call me all the time
With threats of dept, and such
They tell to pay a huge lump sum,
or I am out of luck
Please Mam try to be reasonable
for cash grows not on trees
And if that were the case
then I would send you piles
of leaves
So I am certainly not begging on my knees
But do take into consideration
my life has been no breeze
No jobs in my profession
will even hire me
More schooling is required
for the job of my dreams
So since 09' I have been working
below my means
And it seems that Education at this point
indeed deceived
For I believed with dedication
that anything I could be
But now I'm stuck with bills that
even haunt me in my sleep
And Mr. Hughes said a dream deferred
might immaculately com bust
But deferment in your world
means higher interest, and that sucks
I know you do not care to care
or care to even read
But here is my status:
Mother of one
Struggling just to breathe
I hope this letter comes to you with cheer,
I'd have you know it's been a frightfully rough
two years
I graduated with hopes
and ambitions so sky high
But now Life's expeditions
seemingly might have passed me by
You have to understand my awful situation
I don't ignore you for sport
or for just any occasion
I would like to talk to you
and explain how things are currently
for me
But when I try to communicate-
your children seem to tease
They call me all the time
With threats of dept, and such
They tell to pay a huge lump sum,
or I am out of luck
Please Mam try to be reasonable
for cash grows not on trees
And if that were the case
then I would send you piles
of leaves
So I am certainly not begging on my knees
But do take into consideration
my life has been no breeze
No jobs in my profession
will even hire me
More schooling is required
for the job of my dreams
So since 09' I have been working
below my means
And it seems that Education at this point
indeed deceived
For I believed with dedication
that anything I could be
But now I'm stuck with bills that
even haunt me in my sleep
And Mr. Hughes said a dream deferred
might immaculately com bust
But deferment in your world
means higher interest, and that sucks
I know you do not care to care
or care to even read
But here is my status:
Mother of one
Struggling just to breathe
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
California Black ppl
Sacramento, CA.....home of the Kings....well, kind of....capital of the golden state....home of the most culturally confused black people I have ever met. So, I was blessed with a revolutionary for a mother, seriously. My mom was a military brat, and when she graduated from high school in Japan, decided to make CA her home. Before she had children, she became a part of the MOVEMENT. If you don't know what the MOVEMENT consists of, that's unfortunate. The MOVEMENT consisted of blacks who went to war in Vietnam, blacks who were in the black panther party, and blacks who were just tired of being treated like being black was a disease. In the early seventies, several more blacks of different sorts fell in the MOVEMENT, but the ones mentioned were some of the most notable. Any how, my mother was part of a non-violent group that stemmed from the MOVEMENT. This group represented Unity, not just amongst African Americans, but Africans and Black people all over. That's where I come in, a child a few generations removed from a movement that inspired blacks to be proud of being Black. In my home, I learned black history, African history, and history as a whole. I learned that Black is not a bad thing, but a glorious thing and something to be recognized!
I quickly learned that not all of my black peers grew up in the same kind of environment I did. Innocently as a child, I barely recognized skin color. I looked at another child my size, and thought of them simply as a playmate. I hilariously enough did not find out I was darker skinned complected, until I got into elementary-and was told by a girl who was darker than myself. My mother, my siblings, and myself were all about the same shade of brown, so I never thought anything of it. It's interesting how people will tell you about yourself, whether you asked for their opinion or not. As I became a teenager, I really started noticing the division of skin color and hair texture amongst black ppl....It was repulsive. Black ppl, black men especially, went out of their way to worship at the feet of those whose features were deemed "less black". Pretty hair was straighter, and less kinky. Bad hair was rougher, with tighter curls. Pretty skin was lighter, while ugly skin was darker.
I started trying to figure out where this hatred for self came from within my ppl. It seriously hurt to see them hating themselves down to the very core. So I came up with a theory. Post slavery, the Reconstruction period began. Blacks were desperately trying to flee the south to get away from whites who were angry they had to set their slaves free, and in hopes of finding work. A large number of blacks went up north, a large amount stayed down south, and a small amount trickled Midwest and to the west coast. The blacks that came to CA were so small in number, that it made a bad situation worse. Meaning, blacks were already trying to build themselves up, after being enslaved for a few hundred years in the U.S., but migrating to CA and not staying unified-furthered their difficult situation. Not to say there were not black townships in CA, but compared to the south, California's black population was limited. So this is what started to happen, blacks started to mix with other cultures, and slowly started moving away from the backbone of blacks in the south. Living in California at any given time period in history, it would be impossible not to mingle with other races. Considering that California used to be a large portion of Mexico, one might encounter those of Spanish, Native American, and other European cultures at any time. The problem with black people, is that they started to lose themselves even further-cultural identity wise.
This was not just happening in CA, of course. Blacks all across the U.S. post slavery were having cultural identity issues. They were too far removed from Africa to feel African, but because of the exploitation against blacks at this time, blacks were feeling low about being black. When I say exploitation, I mean the purposeful marketing by whites to make everything black heinous. Within the next forty years Black become the most hated color in the U.S., and in certain places around the world. Side note: to all of my black readers, do you ever wonder why certain Asian groups have a hateful predisposition towards blacks almost upon meeting them? I am not talking about the Asians who have been here for generations and have encountered blacks on a regular bases, I am talking about the ones who are fresh from their country, and are fortunate enough to be able to open some type of business. They come into the black community, open business's, and treat blacks poorly. And it is not just Asians, certain Arab and East Indian groups have this predisposition about blacks as well. I came to the conclusion, it is because of the exploitation of blacks post slavery. Blacks were marketed in so many terrible different lights. Men were knee- slapping, tap-dancing, white women chasing, horny toads, while women were fat, ugly, Ant Jamima's, who were content taking care of white children. Black children were pickanninies, whose hair was always undone, and were always unwashed and barefoot. These watermelon eating, big lipped, wide nosed, nappy hair images were sent world wide. It was enough to have enslaved blacks for hundred of years, but it seemed that whites now needed to let the world know how upset they were, that they had to free their black slaves.
So where does that leave blacks in CA today? With the most horrendous identity crisis I have ever seen amongst blacks in the U.S. A lot of blacks are mixed, and those who aren't mixed, wish they were. Now this does not, I repeat DOES NOT account for every black person in CA. Some of them are not on that ignorant b.s. But a majority born in the eighties and down, hate themselves on a whole different level. They either strive to be something they are not, or strive to fit into this hood life style that is put forth in black media. It is like they are looking for something. I understand, everyone has to find their spot in the world, but not at the expense of others. Black men seem to make it their mission to make black women feel bad about themselves. They date other races, then list all the reasons they do not date black women. What they do not understand, is that if they have to rationalize or justify their reasons for their actions, then that is a direct reflection of how they view themselves. Black men feel bad about themselves, therefore they strive to not have children that look like them. Black women do not make this situation any better, they have so much chemical(which I seriously think seeps into their brain, making them stupid) and weave in their hair, they are unwittingly playing into black men's ignorance. Black women, need to stop trying to market themselves to black men. They are out there breaking their necks, changing their body to fit into this image of what a black women should look like. Long hair, big breast, big butt, tiny waist, etc.....the video vixen. What they do not understand is that these women we see in video's go through extensive hours of prep and make-up to look the way they do in videos. Little girls see these images, and slowly start to hate their own features, because they do not look like video vixens. All of these things contribute to low self-esteem amongst blacks.
Black people simply need to love themselves. Nothing more or less. They need....excuse me-WE, need to stop physically and mentally trying to be something we are not. We will never be that white girl or boy with long blond flowing hair or big blue eyes, that society tries to market as being the "ideal" beauty. But we can be the awesome person that our Creator made.....which is beauty in itself.
I quickly learned that not all of my black peers grew up in the same kind of environment I did. Innocently as a child, I barely recognized skin color. I looked at another child my size, and thought of them simply as a playmate. I hilariously enough did not find out I was darker skinned complected, until I got into elementary-and was told by a girl who was darker than myself. My mother, my siblings, and myself were all about the same shade of brown, so I never thought anything of it. It's interesting how people will tell you about yourself, whether you asked for their opinion or not. As I became a teenager, I really started noticing the division of skin color and hair texture amongst black ppl....It was repulsive. Black ppl, black men especially, went out of their way to worship at the feet of those whose features were deemed "less black". Pretty hair was straighter, and less kinky. Bad hair was rougher, with tighter curls. Pretty skin was lighter, while ugly skin was darker.
I started trying to figure out where this hatred for self came from within my ppl. It seriously hurt to see them hating themselves down to the very core. So I came up with a theory. Post slavery, the Reconstruction period began. Blacks were desperately trying to flee the south to get away from whites who were angry they had to set their slaves free, and in hopes of finding work. A large number of blacks went up north, a large amount stayed down south, and a small amount trickled Midwest and to the west coast. The blacks that came to CA were so small in number, that it made a bad situation worse. Meaning, blacks were already trying to build themselves up, after being enslaved for a few hundred years in the U.S., but migrating to CA and not staying unified-furthered their difficult situation. Not to say there were not black townships in CA, but compared to the south, California's black population was limited. So this is what started to happen, blacks started to mix with other cultures, and slowly started moving away from the backbone of blacks in the south. Living in California at any given time period in history, it would be impossible not to mingle with other races. Considering that California used to be a large portion of Mexico, one might encounter those of Spanish, Native American, and other European cultures at any time. The problem with black people, is that they started to lose themselves even further-cultural identity wise.
This was not just happening in CA, of course. Blacks all across the U.S. post slavery were having cultural identity issues. They were too far removed from Africa to feel African, but because of the exploitation against blacks at this time, blacks were feeling low about being black. When I say exploitation, I mean the purposeful marketing by whites to make everything black heinous. Within the next forty years Black become the most hated color in the U.S., and in certain places around the world. Side note: to all of my black readers, do you ever wonder why certain Asian groups have a hateful predisposition towards blacks almost upon meeting them? I am not talking about the Asians who have been here for generations and have encountered blacks on a regular bases, I am talking about the ones who are fresh from their country, and are fortunate enough to be able to open some type of business. They come into the black community, open business's, and treat blacks poorly. And it is not just Asians, certain Arab and East Indian groups have this predisposition about blacks as well. I came to the conclusion, it is because of the exploitation of blacks post slavery. Blacks were marketed in so many terrible different lights. Men were knee- slapping, tap-dancing, white women chasing, horny toads, while women were fat, ugly, Ant Jamima's, who were content taking care of white children. Black children were pickanninies, whose hair was always undone, and were always unwashed and barefoot. These watermelon eating, big lipped, wide nosed, nappy hair images were sent world wide. It was enough to have enslaved blacks for hundred of years, but it seemed that whites now needed to let the world know how upset they were, that they had to free their black slaves.
So where does that leave blacks in CA today? With the most horrendous identity crisis I have ever seen amongst blacks in the U.S. A lot of blacks are mixed, and those who aren't mixed, wish they were. Now this does not, I repeat DOES NOT account for every black person in CA. Some of them are not on that ignorant b.s. But a majority born in the eighties and down, hate themselves on a whole different level. They either strive to be something they are not, or strive to fit into this hood life style that is put forth in black media. It is like they are looking for something. I understand, everyone has to find their spot in the world, but not at the expense of others. Black men seem to make it their mission to make black women feel bad about themselves. They date other races, then list all the reasons they do not date black women. What they do not understand, is that if they have to rationalize or justify their reasons for their actions, then that is a direct reflection of how they view themselves. Black men feel bad about themselves, therefore they strive to not have children that look like them. Black women do not make this situation any better, they have so much chemical(which I seriously think seeps into their brain, making them stupid) and weave in their hair, they are unwittingly playing into black men's ignorance. Black women, need to stop trying to market themselves to black men. They are out there breaking their necks, changing their body to fit into this image of what a black women should look like. Long hair, big breast, big butt, tiny waist, etc.....the video vixen. What they do not understand is that these women we see in video's go through extensive hours of prep and make-up to look the way they do in videos. Little girls see these images, and slowly start to hate their own features, because they do not look like video vixens. All of these things contribute to low self-esteem amongst blacks.
Black people simply need to love themselves. Nothing more or less. They need....excuse me-WE, need to stop physically and mentally trying to be something we are not. We will never be that white girl or boy with long blond flowing hair or big blue eyes, that society tries to market as being the "ideal" beauty. But we can be the awesome person that our Creator made.....which is beauty in itself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)